Beautiful Ontario

by **ToddS** Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:09 pm

Sent to me by Stuart via email:

August 12 Moved into our new home in
Ontario , Canada . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river
valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my
front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons.
This is truly God's
Country.

October 14 Ontario is such a gorgeous place to live, one
of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a
multitude of different colours.
I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so
bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot
some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must
be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

November 11 Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine
why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are
the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Ontario . I hope
it snows soon. I love it here!

December 2 It snowed last night. I woke to the most wonderful
sight: Everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The
oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out
and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so
crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and
the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close
to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony, I
love it here!

December 12 More snow last night. I love it! The plow did
his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland,
I love it here!

December 19 More snow, couldn't get out of the driveway to
get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all the shoveling. And
that snowplow!

December 21 More of that white shit coming down, I've got
blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the
snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling
the driveway. Asshole.

December 25 White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever
get my hands on the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I
swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on
these roads to melt this crap?

December 28 It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have
been inside since then, except of course when the SOB Snowplow
Harry comes by. Can't go anywhere. Cars are buried up to the
windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you
have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches
is?

January 1 Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it
won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the
road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to
borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this
season.

January 4 Finally got out of the house. We went to the
store to get some food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my
car and I hit the bastard. It did $3,000 in damage to the car.
Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer
season if you ask me.

January 27 Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain
turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb
of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I
should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I
had the chance.

March 23 Took my car to the local garage. Would you
believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of
that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up
heap of rusted cow shit.

May 10 Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I
can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to
live in the God-forsaken province of Ontario.